It's possible to become addicted to anything. Perhaps the easiest thing to develop an addiction to, is sex. This is because of the sex drive God gave us. We have biological drives to greatly enjoy sexual activity, whether male or female...so...what's wrong with it? Addiction is an abnormal use of our sex drive. We take the normal drive for sexual activity and twist it to apply to pictures, strangers, imaginations, children, even animals. We twist normal sexual activity into bizarre behavior, using mechanical devices, bondage, torture, choking, etc. Nothing is wrong with normal sexual activity as it was designed for us. I may sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but we were designed to have sexual relations between one man and one woman for life. The further we get from this ideal, the more problems we have. As quaint as I sound, I am a sex addict. It's one of the two addictions I'm still struggling to control...the other is food. If you're suffering from a sexual or pornography addiction, I want you to know I know what you're going through...not from some book...from my own struggle. Here are some books that will give you more information on sexual and porn addiction.
One of the facts I discovered about sexual addiction from my own experience was how fast our desires and satisfaction threshold can change. We are increasingly unsatisfied and drawn by our addiction into more unusual and risky behavior. One city got so out-of-control about 4,000 years ago that, when a guy named Lot had some male visitors, his neighbors stormed his house and tried to force him to give his guests to them so they could have sex with them. You may not want to participate in a group rape, but if you feel you need some new style or a new person to get the satisfaction you used to, it may be time to consider the possibility of sexual addiction. Visit Signs Of Sexual Or Porn Addiction to take a quiz and to get a better idea of the symptoms of sex and porn addictions.
If we take this situation lightly, call ourselves sexaholics and don't do anything to control our addiction, we run the risk of losing much. Our sex drive can literally take over. I have a friend who used to be the pastor of a large church, with attendance over 1,500 per week. He had lost his job pastoring a smaller church because he used his position to curry sexual favors from women in the congregation. After getting himself under control, he got, and lost another church the same way. Getting control again, he was again given a congregation. At this church, thanks to a loyal associate pastor, he was able to build up his addiction until he had as many as 7 women servicing him. He couldn't lead his staff or run his church...he was too distracted by the one thing that interested him. Needless to say, when it all hit the fan, he lost his church and his opportunity to ever minister again. This had terrible effects on his family and his staff. CEO's who couldn't control their sex drive have lost everything. Bill Clinton, because of his sexual addiction, was the only US President ever to be impeached. Because of his very public denial about oral sex, 10-14 year old little girls are routinely expected to perform this for their classmates. Our addictions have lasting effects on those around us.
Maybe our spouses begin to feel they're sexually inadequate or uninteresting as our appetites grow to ever more strange behavior. Maybe our children begin to believe from observing us, that sex is the most important thing in life, above career, marriage, children. Maybe we contract a sexually transmitted disease and pass it on to our spouse. Maybe our illicit partner decides they want more of us than our family is willing to give up. How many families have been ruined by sexual addictions? This behavior is not private because it leaves many victims broken and devastated in the selfish drive for another sexual experience. Fortunately, for myself and those around me, I'm on a very short leash, rarely even letting my imagination run with illicit ideas.
This brings us to the solutions. First, we have to understand the addiction cycle. Our addiction started with a feeling of emptiness, low self esteem. In our adolescent years, we discovered we can temporarily displace those feelings by sexual behavior. Too soon, the emptiness is back with a load of guilt for our sexual misconduct, making us even more desperate for the sexual "drug". We cycle ourselves toward ever deepening self-loathing as our sexual behavior becomes more and more wrong and harmful to others. It's no accident that I included pedophilia in the list of sexual addiction signs. That's what many sexual addictions escalate into until you are forcibly stopped by arrest or worse.
Left to ourselves, we cannot stop this cycle. We can go to therapy, get prescriptions, but the sex drive is still there, along with the twisted imaginations and desires we've attached to it. We can control it for a time by sheer will, but eventually, the stress of our sex drive and the stresses of life will demand a release. This is why so many believe there is no cure to some expressions of sexual addiction. I don't agree! Yes, I'm still tempted with the mental pictures. I always will be. But, I have the ability to chase those images away. I no longer have to express those thoughts with actions. Just like any addiction, it's still very much one day at a time, but I can do one day! Sex Addicts Anonymous has found the answer...what can fill the void in us that drove us to addiction in the first place. It isn't the 12 steps or the meetings...all that is just to lead us to the real help...God...the only higher power capable of understanding and helping us control the sex drive He designed. God is who I run to for help with my addiction. If you want God's help, click on Healing From God.
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